TIRED OF THE CONSTANT PAIN.

There are good days and bad days when it comes to having chronic pain conditions and, unfortunately, there seems to be more bad days than good days lately.

It feels as though a fare-up has been ongoing for the past couple of months and has emphasised since my laparoscopy. The pain shoots up and down my body and walking around feels difficult right now. The exhaustion doesn’t help with the pain. I now struggle getting into my university because of how far I’m walking from the bus stop to the building which then just makes me want to cry in pain once I get in to my studio space. I’m struggling getting somewhat remotely comfortable when I’m in bed because, no matter which position I put myself in, the shooting pain is ongoing.

This week has brought constant nausea because of the pain as well as my ongoing abdominal pain flaring up. I’m trying to think of which part of my body doesn’t hurt these days. I don’t like being vocal about my pain because I still get paranoid about how others react to me trying to explain my pain without someone saying “oh I get that sometimes” or “have you tried…” and being in my 20s I’m even more paranoid about it. I don’t now how else to describe the state I’ve been in, and still in, recently other than just a constant state of pain and exhaustion. That’s how it’s been since just before I entered my 20s, a constant state of pain and exhaustion. Sometimes I try and think back to when I didn’t have this constant pain and exhaustion but it’s becoming more and more like a distant memory that I can’t quite believe. 

Even if there was more you could do to help chronic pain, this really isn’t the time for anyone with chronic health conditions (mental and physical). It’s like the rest of the healthcare services have stopped (through no fault of their own) and the backlog of people waiting to be seen just keeps on growing and it’s like you’re stuck in one place as you just gradually get worse. I don’t know what’s happening anymore other than being in this state.