THE NEXT PHASE.

It’s been a month since my last upload and update and a lot has happened as well as still processing a lot of information. Also, I’ve lost all concept of time.

This is a (brief) summary of the new phase of my medical journey that overwhelmed me after my last trip to see the consultant. Hormone treatment did not help me much, if at all, and after 6 months of it I thought it was best for me to stop. It was also impacting my mental health. The downsides to chronic illnesses, new medication and also the downside of having a uterus and ovaries and wanting to avoid having a baby. It was one of those, if you don’t try then you don’t know, moments which is why I stayed on for the 6 months (plus the lack of any other options available in the midst of a pandemic).

What does that mean now? 

More surgery! Excision surgery, further investigations and, overall, just a more invasive procedure. So much so that I will be staying in hospital. Of course, there’s more risks and  chances of other things needing to happen. I won’t go into that as that’s the area I’m more worried about and what will come of it. This time around as well, there’s a bowel preparation guide that I have to follow, including laxatives the day before surgery. Those who know me know how traumatised I still am after the last time I had to take laxatives for a procedure (I started to cry when my consultant handed me the laxatives and had to reassure me they are nowhere near as bad as the ones I have had to have for another procedure). Let’s just say the meal prep special diet plan fr a few days leading up to the surgery is also looking rather fucking depressing. All of this in hope that this will help with reducing the pain that I experience.

There was no indication on waiting time from the consultant whilst I was there so, everyday, I have been anxiously waiting for the post in hopes that everything I need from the hospital about the surgery arrives and I can plan my life accordingly. Unfortunately I am still waiting (of course, there’s a backlog due to surgeries being suspended again due to the pandemic) which is adding to my anxiety as I just would like to know dates so I can plan my life around it, work wise and finishing my Master’s degree! It feels like I am just constantly waiting and I am hesitant to plan too much as last ear I ended up having to rearrange things and lose out on work and, therefore, money.

Am I an anxious mess over this? 

Of course because there’s no certainty over what can happen from this. Also another year and another surgery. Possibly surgery 2 during a Master’s degree depending on dates. I just hope that it reduces some of my pain at least.

Sent away with part of my next surgery pack: bowel preparation.