WOMEN'S PAIN: HYSTERICAL UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE.

Okay, I hate to be this bitch and just go on about women’s pain but, it’s relevant and an insight into the shit we deal with when we are suffering with (ongoing) pain.

It’s now been over four years since my health completely changed and I began suffering with chronic pain, chronic fatigue and a whole list of many things. In October 2017, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (a chronic widespread pain condition) with no “cure” and just sent to several different people to learn how to “manage my pain.” Before this diagnosis, being a young woman (19 at the start and 21 by the time of diagnosis) I got the oh so fucking delightful comments of: “are you sure you’re not just stressed? Are you sure nothing else is going on at home? Do we need to send you to someone to have a talk with you? Have you got a lot going on?” The list, seriously, goes on. I eventually got my ‘“pain management” referral and started seeing an occupational therapist and started physio.

Let’s roll into 2018: what a fucking year. I started experiencing severe lower abdominal and pelvic pains, so much so, that I was hospitalised several times and each time ending in giving up and going home. The pain was reaching the point where morphine did not even touch it (it still doesn’t). Then Dr’s were thinking, maybe it’s bowel related and with serious bowel conditions having been caught in this year with a family member, we definitely needed to look into it. When you’re waiting on referrals, you are waiting for a very long time. In this year my periods became the worst than they ever have - many clothes ruined, so much money on sanitary towels etc etc (I’ll get into that shortly).  Anyway, I eventually got booked in for a sigmoidoscopy, after my mom was not in the mood to deal with anymore bullshit, and I didn’t have to wait too long! Hilariously it was booked in for the week before my hand-in for the second year of my undergrad degree (no pressure at all guys). I’ll spare you with the graphic details but I chose not to be sedated and I was not even fussed by pain relief (remember, morphine was not even touching my pain) and all I had was gas and air. I didn’t even touch gas and air…I freaked out everyone in that room after I casually just told them that a camera going through all that bowel was not even pain compared to what I’ve been experiencing (even a sigmoidoscopy, the smallest test, there’s still a lot of bowel to go through). Nothing bowel related, surprise surprise. They were happy to dismiss me from their care (no complaints, they did all they needed to).

Let’s continue with 2018: my periods were awful. So painful. So much bleeding. So much mess. SO MANY CLOTHES RUINED. They would not stop. Sex was a massive no, the pain was horrific (still is and, by the way, it’s not meant to hurt you). I wanted a referral to gynaecology. I asked a GP (not my usual GP which I learned to just stick with him) to refer me and he said “we don’t want to go in there to investigate for no reason” to which, Lauren on period number 17 in only July, responded with “well by that logic, I had a camera up my ass for no reason then.”  The pain and the bleeding was constant and I don’t know how to explain it other than it feels like someone in stabbing me internally as well as something exploding at the same time. Again…periods aren’t supposed to do that.  I can’t even be examined without wanting to pass out in pain, cry and scream. What I got once I was seeing my old constant was “it’s just bad IBS.” I’d already stripped everything out of my diet and figured out what foods I needed to avoid. I’d already seen a bowel specialist who saw nothing of concern.  The summer of 2018 saw the changes in my skin. The odd spots (I used to think I was spotty, hilarious) turned into hormonal acne. All over my cheeks and jawline. The end of 2018: 28 periods. 28! I’m not talking light periods, I’m talking the first Plague if Egypt the water of the Nile changing into blood. But yeah…just bad IBS, I should try and reduce my stress. I’ll talk about this whole journey with consultant number 2, at my old hospital, in more detail another day.

The end of 2019 I was sent to a new hospital and a new consultant. Straight away this consultant listed so many possibilities for my gynaecological problems that they made me cry with happiness. I basically cried because someone actually believed my pain and wanted to look into it all properly. A lot of women will tell you the same thing and, unfortunately, most women are waiting an average of 7.5 years to have an answer. That long in so many people thinking that it’s all in your head that you start to think that way yourself. So I thought I’d share this along with an article on “The hysteria accusation” talking about how women’s pain is often overlooked and under-treated and a brief summary of my journey so far.

“The Hysteria Accusation”: https://aeon.co/essays/womens-pain-it-seems-is-hysterical-until-proven-otherwise